36 Questions to Fall in Love

The 36 questions to fall in love is a free, browser-based version of psychologist Arthur Aron’s 1997 closeness experiment. Two people take turns answering 36 questions that get steadily more personal across three sets, then hold four minutes of eye contact. Nothing is saved and no sign-up is needed. Updated 2026-08-30.

How the 36 Questions to Fall in Love List Works

The 36 questions to fall in love list was developed by psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues in a 1997 study titled "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness." The premise is simple: two people sit together and take turns asking and answering 36 increasingly personal questions, then look into each other's eyes for four minutes. The exercise is designed to create a sense of mutual vulnerability, which Aron's research identified as a key driver of interpersonal closeness.

The questions are divided into three sets. Set 1 covers lighter, getting-to-know-you topics. Set 2 goes deeper into personal values, dreams, and family relationships. Set 3 asks the most intimate and vulnerable questions about feelings, mortality, and love. This gradual escalation mirrors how real relationships develop trust over time, but compresses the process into a single sitting.

The Science Behind the 36 Questions

Aron's research drew on decades of psychology around self-disclosure and relationship formation. The key insight is that closeness does not come from spending time together passively. It comes from reciprocal self-disclosure — sharing personal information and having the other person do the same. When both people are vulnerable, a feedback loop of trust and empathy forms quickly.

The study found that pairs who went through the 36 questions felt closer than pairs who simply engaged in small talk for the same amount of time. Some pairs in follow-up studies reported feeling closer to their question partner than to people they had known for years. The exercise became widely famous after Mandy Len Catron's 2015 New York Times essay "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This," in which she described falling in love with her partner after trying the exercise.

The Full 36 Questions to Fall in Love List

Here is the complete list in the original order, so you can read it through, print it, or pick up where you left off. Answer every question yourself and let your partner answer the same one before moving on — the reciprocity is what the study measured, not the questions on their own. The wording below follows the version published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good in Action, drawn from Aron et al., Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (1997).

Set 1 — Questions 1 to 12: Getting to Know Each Other

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2 — Questions 13 to 24: Going Deeper

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3 — Questions 25 to 36: The Most Vulnerable

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling...”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share...”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Tips for the Best Experience

Choose a quiet, comfortable setting where you will not be interrupted. Put your phones away. The exercise works best when both people are fully present and willing to be honest. Take turns reading each question aloud, and both people should answer each question before moving to the next. There is no rush — some questions deserve long answers, while others might be quick. Let the conversation flow naturally.

It is normal to feel nervous or awkward, especially during Set 3. That vulnerability is the point. The discomfort of sharing something deeply personal is what creates the bond. If a question feels too intense, you can acknowledge that feeling out loud rather than skipping it entirely. Remember, this exercise works for strangers, new couples, and long-term partners alike.

After the Questions: 4-Minute Eye Contact

After completing all 36 questions, Arthur Aron's original study protocol includes looking into each other's eyes for four minutes without speaking. This may sound simple, but sustained eye contact is one of the most powerful non-verbal forms of communication. Research shows that prolonged mutual gaze activates the same brain regions associated with love and attachment.

Many people report that the eye contact exercise is the most moving part of the entire experience. It can bring up unexpected emotions — laughter, tears, or a profound sense of connection. The built-in timer in this tool helps you track the four minutes so you can focus entirely on the moment without watching a clock.